Post by Eden Marie Winters on Jan 19, 2007 21:13:50 GMT
Okay I don't usually like having the camera focused on me. It makes me feel like someone is watching me and I hate that. Well this is manditory so I have to do this. I am Eden Winters I am 17 years old and a Junior here at Crystal Falls.
Well first think that people need to know about me is I am not a bright bubbly person. I have a big self esteem issue. I feel like everyone is always judging me and that no one cares about me. I have a few friends Craig Dice, Luke Bennett, Rachel Stone, and Jeremy Efron. They don't usually hang out with me outside of school but I am fine with it. I am still good friends with them and would do anything for them. I know that they would do anything for me as well. Its just hard for me to have friends because I just feel like I am not worth having friends. I am not good enough or pretty enough to have friends. I want to have the confidence to have friends and to feel good about myself. They way I should be feeling about myself.
Okay now for the secrets. I am like best friends with Luke Bennett. But something that no one knows about is I think I am in love with his best friend. Yes you did hear me correctly. I think I am in love with Ethan Shadows. I know that I will never have the guts to tell him that myself. I know that I will never have the guts to go up to him and tell him that I like you and I think that I like you a lot. I know that he would just laugh at me and walk away and I don't think I could handle something like that. I don't think that would be something that I could handle. He means to much to me to lose him like that. He has been the greatest to me and I don't ever want to lose him although its getting harder every day to see him and not be able to run up to him and hug him close. Its hard not to be able to kiss him on his pouty wonderful lips. I take pictures of him so that I know that he will always be close to me. ALSO The fact that Luke Bennett his best friend is seriously over protective of me. He his like an Older brother that won't trust if a guy hits on his sister. He has sent people the Infrimary for even looking at me the wrong way so telling him that I might like his best friend might cause me to lose him as a friends as well and that would just be hell because I need him in my life.
Also the fact that I have been completely confused at how I have been seeing Luke in my eyes. Sometimes he is like my best friend of all time and sometimes I am attracted to him. I am not sure what that is about but I am confused over it. I don't know what to do but I know that I can't tell them either one of them about this. They wouldn't understand they would never understand. I am going to be alone my life so why drag someone down with me right. 20, 40, 50 years from now whenever this time Capsule gets released I will probably still be alone. All thanks to my ever loving father that places so much confidence in me.
Then there is Craig Dice and Jeremy Efron I haven't spoken to either one of them in a while now and I think that they have given up on me. I think that they have had enough of me and I can't stand that. They were someone of the coolest people that I know. Craig I grew up next to and has always been the older brother figure to me. He doesn't care about What clique I am in they only care about me as a person which I don't understand why. I must have been a horrible person to have to deal with the hell in my life. I must have done something completely and totally wrong. I must have been a bad person in my past life to get something like I have now.
People wonder why I am always taking pictures They wonder why I always have a camera with me. That is because I like pictures. Pictures are good to me. Pictures don't ever make fun of my because I am different because I am not like them. They aren't mean and rude because I am not like everyone else. They can't talk and call me names. They also don't hit me when I do something wrong. They don't beat on me because I lived they don't beat on me because my mother died when I survived. Pictures don't cause bruises and marks all over my body. They don't beat on me until I can't move or beat on me when I they think I did something wrong. Yes my father beats on me on a regular basis pretty much. He is a former Master Gunery Sergeant in the US Marine Coor. He is also smart he doesn't hit me where people can see it. He doesn't it were no one would see. He hates that my mother died giving birth to me. He hates that I look so much like her and he thinks that beating on me will not make we look like her so much. That putting bruises on my body will make me different.
I know that if I ever told my friends what goes on at home they would try to help. They would come flying to my rescue and I don't want to see something happen to them because of me. I don't want to see them get hurt because of me. My father has a temper like no other. He would beat on anyone if they tried to help me. I just hope that in however many years this is that will be watching it. If you are in a situation like this get out get out now. I have been in it to long but you have a chance just don't let something like this dictate your life. Get help fast because you will need it. Have good friends and get help and if they offer you help take it because friends are great and all they want to do is help you out.
xXxThe Brokened Soul Eden WintersxXx
Well first think that people need to know about me is I am not a bright bubbly person. I have a big self esteem issue. I feel like everyone is always judging me and that no one cares about me. I have a few friends Craig Dice, Luke Bennett, Rachel Stone, and Jeremy Efron. They don't usually hang out with me outside of school but I am fine with it. I am still good friends with them and would do anything for them. I know that they would do anything for me as well. Its just hard for me to have friends because I just feel like I am not worth having friends. I am not good enough or pretty enough to have friends. I want to have the confidence to have friends and to feel good about myself. They way I should be feeling about myself.
Okay now for the secrets. I am like best friends with Luke Bennett. But something that no one knows about is I think I am in love with his best friend. Yes you did hear me correctly. I think I am in love with Ethan Shadows. I know that I will never have the guts to tell him that myself. I know that I will never have the guts to go up to him and tell him that I like you and I think that I like you a lot. I know that he would just laugh at me and walk away and I don't think I could handle something like that. I don't think that would be something that I could handle. He means to much to me to lose him like that. He has been the greatest to me and I don't ever want to lose him although its getting harder every day to see him and not be able to run up to him and hug him close. Its hard not to be able to kiss him on his pouty wonderful lips. I take pictures of him so that I know that he will always be close to me. ALSO The fact that Luke Bennett his best friend is seriously over protective of me. He his like an Older brother that won't trust if a guy hits on his sister. He has sent people the Infrimary for even looking at me the wrong way so telling him that I might like his best friend might cause me to lose him as a friends as well and that would just be hell because I need him in my life.
Also the fact that I have been completely confused at how I have been seeing Luke in my eyes. Sometimes he is like my best friend of all time and sometimes I am attracted to him. I am not sure what that is about but I am confused over it. I don't know what to do but I know that I can't tell them either one of them about this. They wouldn't understand they would never understand. I am going to be alone my life so why drag someone down with me right. 20, 40, 50 years from now whenever this time Capsule gets released I will probably still be alone. All thanks to my ever loving father that places so much confidence in me.
Then there is Craig Dice and Jeremy Efron I haven't spoken to either one of them in a while now and I think that they have given up on me. I think that they have had enough of me and I can't stand that. They were someone of the coolest people that I know. Craig I grew up next to and has always been the older brother figure to me. He doesn't care about What clique I am in they only care about me as a person which I don't understand why. I must have been a horrible person to have to deal with the hell in my life. I must have done something completely and totally wrong. I must have been a bad person in my past life to get something like I have now.
People wonder why I am always taking pictures They wonder why I always have a camera with me. That is because I like pictures. Pictures are good to me. Pictures don't ever make fun of my because I am different because I am not like them. They aren't mean and rude because I am not like everyone else. They can't talk and call me names. They also don't hit me when I do something wrong. They don't beat on me because I lived they don't beat on me because my mother died when I survived. Pictures don't cause bruises and marks all over my body. They don't beat on me until I can't move or beat on me when I they think I did something wrong. Yes my father beats on me on a regular basis pretty much. He is a former Master Gunery Sergeant in the US Marine Coor. He is also smart he doesn't hit me where people can see it. He doesn't it were no one would see. He hates that my mother died giving birth to me. He hates that I look so much like her and he thinks that beating on me will not make we look like her so much. That putting bruises on my body will make me different.
I know that if I ever told my friends what goes on at home they would try to help. They would come flying to my rescue and I don't want to see something happen to them because of me. I don't want to see them get hurt because of me. My father has a temper like no other. He would beat on anyone if they tried to help me. I just hope that in however many years this is that will be watching it. If you are in a situation like this get out get out now. I have been in it to long but you have a chance just don't let something like this dictate your life. Get help fast because you will need it. Have good friends and get help and if they offer you help take it because friends are great and all they want to do is help you out.
xXxThe Brokened Soul Eden WintersxXx
