Post by Eden Marie Winters on Jan 19, 2007 5:44:06 GMT
Have you ever felt like you are screaming your lungs out and no one can hear you. Have you ever felt like no one can see you when you are in a room full of people. Have you ever wished that you were dead because the pain is to much to bear. Then you will know my life. That is my life. I hate it and I want it to stop to go away. I have tried to kill myself in the past but whenever I would someone would stop me. Craig has stopped me once when he just showed up out of the blue. Luke has stopped me a few times. But I don't get why. Why can't I be the girlfriend in stead of just the friend. Why can't I ever get the guy just once just once. I hate being alone knowing that I am always going to be alone. That is what my father drills into my head over and over again. That I am not pretty enough to get a guy and I never will me. I am not pretty enough or cute enough to get a guy. All I will ever be is the Friend. That is my Label I am the friend and that is all I will ever be to anyone.
I hate just being the friend. I see Luke everyday and he is always smiling and happy about something. He is always up beat and when he hugs me he has no idea what he is doing to me. He had no idea that he is killing me inside to know that I can't have him fully for myself. That I can't make him mine ever. That All I will be to him will be that pathetic girl that almost got beat up in Elementary school. When he had saved me I wished he hadn't saved me I wished he had just let them beat me till I couldn't move and then go home and get beat again. Maybe one of these time someone will go far enough to kill me and take me out of this misery. I just don't want to be here anymore. I hate living I hate being alive. I am practically the walking dead. I feel nothing I fake every smile that I put on I hate myself I will never be pretty enough for anyone and I hate that. I hate that all the pretty girls will get someone and people like me will never get anyone. I will never get anyone I am not lucky enough to get anyone.
Luke asked me the other day when we were in the courtyard if the bruise on my stomach was from a girl that he thought I had gotten into a fight with. I hated lying to him but I can't tell him the truth. I can't ever tell him the truth he wouldn't understand he would want to help me and probably get himself killed. I can't do that I can't let him do that he has so much to live for. He had so much going for him he will actually get out and make something of himself I will be doomed to be here forever. He will have a life that isn't clogged up with my drama and my hell. He won't have to worry about me anymore. Hopefully the new punch or so landed by my dad will kill me once and for all. No one cares about me truthfully they only pretend to care but truthfully they could careless if something happened to me. They wouldn't come running if she was in the hospital they might come and say hope you get better but that was it. She wasn't worth anyones worry and time. She wasn't worth anyone caring about me.
I can't even stand looking at myself in the mirror anymore. My whole stomach and some of my legs are covered in Bruises. I can't stand looking at myself because Its reminds me of the hell that is my father. The way he likes to beat the living hell out of me just because I look like my mother. Just because i lived when she didn't. Because I lived and she died. I just want him to finish me off soon. To stop the hell and Misery that is my life.
Until next time Eden
I hate just being the friend. I see Luke everyday and he is always smiling and happy about something. He is always up beat and when he hugs me he has no idea what he is doing to me. He had no idea that he is killing me inside to know that I can't have him fully for myself. That I can't make him mine ever. That All I will be to him will be that pathetic girl that almost got beat up in Elementary school. When he had saved me I wished he hadn't saved me I wished he had just let them beat me till I couldn't move and then go home and get beat again. Maybe one of these time someone will go far enough to kill me and take me out of this misery. I just don't want to be here anymore. I hate living I hate being alive. I am practically the walking dead. I feel nothing I fake every smile that I put on I hate myself I will never be pretty enough for anyone and I hate that. I hate that all the pretty girls will get someone and people like me will never get anyone. I will never get anyone I am not lucky enough to get anyone.
Luke asked me the other day when we were in the courtyard if the bruise on my stomach was from a girl that he thought I had gotten into a fight with. I hated lying to him but I can't tell him the truth. I can't ever tell him the truth he wouldn't understand he would want to help me and probably get himself killed. I can't do that I can't let him do that he has so much to live for. He had so much going for him he will actually get out and make something of himself I will be doomed to be here forever. He will have a life that isn't clogged up with my drama and my hell. He won't have to worry about me anymore. Hopefully the new punch or so landed by my dad will kill me once and for all. No one cares about me truthfully they only pretend to care but truthfully they could careless if something happened to me. They wouldn't come running if she was in the hospital they might come and say hope you get better but that was it. She wasn't worth anyones worry and time. She wasn't worth anyone caring about me.
I can't even stand looking at myself in the mirror anymore. My whole stomach and some of my legs are covered in Bruises. I can't stand looking at myself because Its reminds me of the hell that is my father. The way he likes to beat the living hell out of me just because I look like my mother. Just because i lived when she didn't. Because I lived and she died. I just want him to finish me off soon. To stop the hell and Misery that is my life.
Until next time Eden
